Things are crazy in this jungle!!!

It has been a while since I have had time to sit down long enough to post anything. My life seems to have been turned upside down and inside out lately. I can't seem to keep any kind of schedule no matter how hard I try...and I feel like I am chasing my tail.Now I know how my poor little doggie feels. :)

I have a very hard time functioning like this. I am gaining weight back and I am so angry at myself. It is hard to keep track of every calorie and make time for working out, now more than ever. My doctor has changed my medicine for ADD and I can't even tell if it is working because everything is crazy around here right now anyway. Kala is now spending friday thru sunday with us and we are all trying to adjust to being together. She is scheduled to move in with us on July the 13th and we are so excited about that. I will admit it is very ovrwhelming to me to have another child in the house. I really underestimated the extra time, laundry, cooking, entertaining, Emma's jealousy and everything else that comes with it. This was the first weekend we had her overnight friday thru sunday and it was so much different than daytime visits. I am not really complaining even though it probably sounds like it. I was so happy when she came home friday night and the first thing she done was fix her bedroom how she wanted it. She sit her stuff around in th perfect places and moved the furniture around. There are stuffed animals, notebooks, perfumes, journels, teenage stuff etc. sitting around and it really looks like a real teens room. Even if there were overwhelming moments we did have a great weekend together and I wouldn't trade it for nothing. I know by the time she moves in we will be adjusted pretty well.

I am really going to work on ME this week. I promise blog land " am counting every calorie today thru friday this week and I will work out at least 3 times"!!!!! I hope somebody holds me to that. I need all the push I can get right now....HELP!!!!?????

Okay, I am goin to try to get this house cleaned up and anything else that needs to be done today. I hope everyone has a great day and I am going to really try to blog more this week than I have lately.

Firsts for 13

This was the first weekend that we had Kala both Saturday and Sunday, for 10 hours each day. On Saturday we cooked out and invited my Daddy and my Daughter-in-law. Kala had not met either of them yet. Our neighbor and her son also came over. We had a real nice time just sitting around most of the day just talking and playing horse shoes and stuff. I unfortunately didn't count my calorie intake because of all that was going on around me. On Sunday we went to church, came home, cooked dinner (I had a light dinner), and sit around taking it easy all day. Ronnie decided it would be fun to bake a cake with the girls. There went "a light dinner" right down the drain. No matter how light dinner was it couldn't be light enough to make up for a big piece of calorie filled, fattening, sugary piece of cake. It seems like I am getting weak, I am so angry with myself today for failing so miserably. Now I have to pick myself back up and probably lose even more weight for the weight I let myself gain. Being ADD is no fun when things change around you, like schedules. I just seem to lose all sense of direction when that happens.



Good things did happen this weekend though, in ways that not many people can understand. Kala had some firsts while she was here. Things you would never think of as a 13year old never having experienced. After mixing the cake batter, Ronnie took the (I can't think of the name of the things you attached to the mixer, the things that spin and mix the batter) things off the mixer handing one to Emma (she loves to lick the batter off) and handing one to Kala. Kala looked at it and asked "is it good" with a look of confusion. Ronnie said "yes baby it is good, Emma loves it", realizing that she had never even experience this thing that is just a normal thing to so many people. She had never even helped bake a cake, cookies, bread or anything that a child should always get the joy of doing with their Mom (or Dad) from a very young age. I wanted to cry. She played horshoes for the first time, wore makeup for the first time, and a couple of other things that I can't remember right now. It is amazing how we can take so many little things for granted and not realize that not everyone is as blessed with those same things. This is going to be a good journey for us. I want to give her these things she has never had. She has never had a real Mom, Daddy, or a sister. I feel so blessed that this family is

A phone call from California, I love my Marine!!!

Wow, I just remembered that I didn't post my weigh-in results this week. I actually lost a pound. Yay Me!!! I am doing Kim's weight los challenge so my weigh-in was Tuesday.

I talked to my little Marine last night for almost an hour. That is one of the things I enjoy so much in life...our mother son talks. I absolutely love it when he wants my advice and when he asks fo my help. He validates me when he doesthose things and he doesn't even know it. Right now he is in California for training before leaving for Iraq in August. Our long talk last night will be held forever in my heart to cherish. We had a conversation about God and his personal relationship with Him.

My son may have his minor faults but he is so beyond his 19 years in maturity. I told him numerous times through the hour of conversation "I am so proud of you". He told me how good it is to hear that. I am so very proud of him that there are no words to use for it. Sometimes I think we forget to tell the ones we love... how we feel. I never want to get to that place where the ones aroud me have no idea how I feel about them. We never know which conversation will be the last one we have with someone. My children (although I have had it rough) have made my life worth living. If I die tomorrow, I am satisfied that I have done everything I can to show love to those around me.

I am so glad he called me, I needed to hear his voice. I can't wait to see him in July and get a big hug. Nobody hugs like my Jonathon.

I have had a good week. It seems like lately I am just basking in the love of God. This has been going on for probably a month or more. I have recently had a lot of realizations about my Christian walk and my personal relationship with God. It seems that now more than ever he is revealing things to me, maybe because I wasn't open enough for it before. Now I know that it is not me that leads this relationship...it is God. I have let him have it and now wonderful things are happening for me. I have often wondered why God would take time out of his busy schedule for me when there are so many others that need him- feeling like I wasn't really on top of the waiting list. Then I realized "God doesn't have a waiting list" because He is the almighty, the one and only, creator, and Father of all those that love Him. I have realize that personal means just that....PERSONAL. Nobody else matters when it comes to me and God. His ways are not our ways and that is very hard for me to understand so I just have to accept it and trust that He gives me His undivided attention at all times. I don't have to hold on while he answers another call, He is all mine- all the time. The same goes for everyone that has a personal relationship with Him. I love where I am right now.

We are now getting Kala on Saturday and Sunday. This will go on through June and then hopefully we will get her fulltime in the first part of July. After she lives here for 6 months we will file the adoption petition with the court. We are so thrilled to have her in our lives.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!!!

To be or not to be, this is the question....

I am having a hard time keeping up my workouts. Emma said she wanted to jog with me....but...when we done it for a few days she was over it. Now I have to pull her along, constantly having to stop to wait for her, and listen to her whine. I can't make a 7 year old exercise if she won't. I don't know what I am going to do at this point. We are not in the habit of leaving her with a sitter. We live out in the country and we really don't know anyone who lives close to us. The only person that I will leave her with lives 25 miles away, and that doesn't make sense to drive that far away to leave her so I can go run. That turns my efforts into like 2 or 3 hours, where it would only be 1 hour if I could just get her to cooperate with me. I can't let a 7 yr. old defeat me in this effort so I really need to figure out what will work.

Not to even mention that I am ADD and now that she is out of school for the summer my schedule has been turned upside down. Thanks to ADD I have a very big problem with change in my schedule. So that has got me down big time. Now I have to figure out a strategy to deal with both problems.

I didn't run any this week and I feel crappy!!! I am so mad at myself right now. I am wanting to eat everything in the house and I feel like a big fat cow!!! I am not going down like this, I have to resolve this problem....and I'll do it or die trying!!!

Writer's Workshop

So, here are my chooses of subjects....

1.) What is your life's anthem? You know...that song that is ALWAYS in your head. The one you'd go to sing first if someone told you to sing a song right NOW. What is it and what does it mean to you?

2.) We love telemarketers don't we!?! Describe a memorable experience you had with one.

3.) How much does focusing on weight affect your daily life?

4.) Describe in what ways you expect too much from your significant other. Do they deserve an apology?

5.) List ten things that make you HAPPY.

6.) Share a sleep walking story of your own!!

As for #1 I guess it would be "Summer Breeze" because it is a song I remember from childhood and it seems to make me feel so peaceful.

#2, OMG....I am not evn going there, I used to be one of those bothersome people.

#3, I focus on my weight all the time right now. I have lost 27 pounds so it is working, I just need to focus a little more. :)

#4, Sometimes I am snappy with my husband and I don't apoligize as much for it as I should...I just take it forgranted that he knows how I feel. I hate that I do that to him.

#5, hmmmm.....ten things that make me happy

1. running, especially with Emma

2. phone calls or visits from my children3. when I hear my Daddy tell me he loves me

4. holding a newborn baby

5. losing weight

6. seeing my garden grow

7. ronnie holding me close

8. feeling grass on my bare feet9. rock hunting

10. my all-time high (happy) is when I see a rainbow in the sky

#6, Hmmmm....here's one for you to figure out. I sleep-eat instead of just sleep-walking. I honestly do not even know anything about it until I get up in the morning and discover dirty dishes. My husband can sleep through a tornado so he is no help for me. I think that is how I gained all this extra weight. I don't do it unless I am really stressed out but it happens.

Happy to be Daddy's Girl

Emma and I went jogging yesterday. She ran my bootie off....but I did keep up with her. Not bad for 40yr. old vs. 7yr. old. I was proud of myself....but I will admit I am sore this morning. We will be going again today. She loves it and that is what I was hoping for. I think she gets the same rush I do with it. She is so cute out there running with her little mp3 player. :) I didn't realize how different it would be to actually run outside. Until yesterday I had only ran/jogged on my treadmill. It is so exhilerating to be out in the wide open just free and running. It was an amazing experience. I won't want to use the treadmill anymore now that I now how good it is. The first thing Emma ask this morning is "when are we going to run?". I may be creating a monster. I am secretly hoping that this whole running thing becomes a family thing. Ronnie (my husband) came to the park yesterday and actually ran a little with us. He didn't run far but I really think he liked it. I am loving this.

Daddy, Logan (my nephew), me and Emma

I talked to my Daddy last night. Him and my mother divorced when I was 6 and I didn't see him again until I was 17. That wasn't really his fault, she just refused to let him see us (those control issues she thrives on). We have had a hard time keeping a relationship going because we didn't really know eachother after being apart for 11 years. But we are okay now and we keep in touch more lately. He is unfortunatley not in good health and it is very sad to think that so many years that could have been spent with him were just tossed away. At this point all I can do is make good use of the time I have left and build memories. When we got off the phone last night I said "I love you Daddy" and he said "I love you too sweety" and I could hear/feel the love. There is a difference in someone saying it just to say it and when someone is saying because they are really wanting you to know. I know it comes from his heart because I can feel it and that is one of my favorite things in this world is knowing that my Daddy LOVES me. Hey, one out of two parents that love me is a good thing. And I do LOVE my Daddy, unconditionally and forever.

Okay, this one is going to be short because if I don't take Emma running soon she will explode. :)

The last day of school....finally!

I am so excited because after today Emma will be home with me until August. I miss her so bad when she s in school. I am not wasting this summer. We are planning so many fun things for us to go and do. She is too cool, so much fun. I am picking her up early from school today and we are going treasure hunting, well everyone else calls it yard selling but treasure hunting just sounds like more fun.

We never do anything on memorial day, to us it is just another day. I know that sounds bad but neither of us have ever really celebrated it. Kala will be with us Sunday. We will go to church, dinner and then go to a movie. It is suppossed to rain anyway so planning on cooking out would not be a good thing.

It should be a bigger deal for me seeing-how my son is a Marine but since I hardly ever even see or talk to him.....oh well--you get it. I will just celebrate my Marine right here with some pictures. He is my heart, I wish everyone could have a chance to know him like I do. He is such a good hearted (I want to say boy but he is truly a MAN now) man. He used to run around wearing fatigues (camo) when he was as little as 3 years old until...well, he still does. :) He is going to Iraq in August and it is ripping my heart out but he is so phsyced up to go. I really believe he is excited about it....he is living his lifelong dream and that is something that alot of people never have enough courage to do. That is the only thing that gives me peace about it--I know he is happy. My little man that used to hang onto my leg when I tried to leave him with a sitter. If you have ever had a 2 yr. old holding onto you like that with crocodile tears streaming down their little precious face....then you understand the heartbreak. Oh, for one more day.........

Isn't he so handsome? My little man-marine:)

My weight didn't change this week and that is fine with me. I am just happy not to gain at this point. I haven't been able to fit in my workouts lately so I need to get back on track. Eating has been good, no problems there, still counting every calorie. I guess I need to re-evaluate at this point and change some things a little. I will do that after the busy weekend.


Well, I guess that is all for now. No grand bits of wisdom or anything to share....it's still just me. :) I hope everyone has a great weekend!!! And happy Memorial Day!!!