Things are crazy in this jungle!!!

It has been a while since I have had time to sit down long enough to post anything. My life seems to have been turned upside down and inside out lately. I can't seem to keep any kind of schedule no matter how hard I try...and I feel like I am chasing my tail.Now I know how my poor little doggie feels. :)

I have a very hard time functioning like this. I am gaining weight back and I am so angry at myself. It is hard to keep track of every calorie and make time for working out, now more than ever. My doctor has changed my medicine for ADD and I can't even tell if it is working because everything is crazy around here right now anyway. Kala is now spending friday thru sunday with us and we are all trying to adjust to being together. She is scheduled to move in with us on July the 13th and we are so excited about that. I will admit it is very ovrwhelming to me to have another child in the house. I really underestimated the extra time, laundry, cooking, entertaining, Emma's jealousy and everything else that comes with it. This was the first weekend we had her overnight friday thru sunday and it was so much different than daytime visits. I am not really complaining even though it probably sounds like it. I was so happy when she came home friday night and the first thing she done was fix her bedroom how she wanted it. She sit her stuff around in th perfect places and moved the furniture around. There are stuffed animals, notebooks, perfumes, journels, teenage stuff etc. sitting around and it really looks like a real teens room. Even if there were overwhelming moments we did have a great weekend together and I wouldn't trade it for nothing. I know by the time she moves in we will be adjusted pretty well.

I am really going to work on ME this week. I promise blog land " am counting every calorie today thru friday this week and I will work out at least 3 times"!!!!! I hope somebody holds me to that. I need all the push I can get right now....HELP!!!!?????

Okay, I am goin to try to get this house cleaned up and anything else that needs to be done today. I hope everyone has a great day and I am going to really try to blog more this week than I have lately.

Firsts for 13

This was the first weekend that we had Kala both Saturday and Sunday, for 10 hours each day. On Saturday we cooked out and invited my Daddy and my Daughter-in-law. Kala had not met either of them yet. Our neighbor and her son also came over. We had a real nice time just sitting around most of the day just talking and playing horse shoes and stuff. I unfortunately didn't count my calorie intake because of all that was going on around me. On Sunday we went to church, came home, cooked dinner (I had a light dinner), and sit around taking it easy all day. Ronnie decided it would be fun to bake a cake with the girls. There went "a light dinner" right down the drain. No matter how light dinner was it couldn't be light enough to make up for a big piece of calorie filled, fattening, sugary piece of cake. It seems like I am getting weak, I am so angry with myself today for failing so miserably. Now I have to pick myself back up and probably lose even more weight for the weight I let myself gain. Being ADD is no fun when things change around you, like schedules. I just seem to lose all sense of direction when that happens.



Good things did happen this weekend though, in ways that not many people can understand. Kala had some firsts while she was here. Things you would never think of as a 13year old never having experienced. After mixing the cake batter, Ronnie took the (I can't think of the name of the things you attached to the mixer, the things that spin and mix the batter) things off the mixer handing one to Emma (she loves to lick the batter off) and handing one to Kala. Kala looked at it and asked "is it good" with a look of confusion. Ronnie said "yes baby it is good, Emma loves it", realizing that she had never even experience this thing that is just a normal thing to so many people. She had never even helped bake a cake, cookies, bread or anything that a child should always get the joy of doing with their Mom (or Dad) from a very young age. I wanted to cry. She played horshoes for the first time, wore makeup for the first time, and a couple of other things that I can't remember right now. It is amazing how we can take so many little things for granted and not realize that not everyone is as blessed with those same things. This is going to be a good journey for us. I want to give her these things she has never had. She has never had a real Mom, Daddy, or a sister. I feel so blessed that this family is

A phone call from California, I love my Marine!!!

Wow, I just remembered that I didn't post my weigh-in results this week. I actually lost a pound. Yay Me!!! I am doing Kim's weight los challenge so my weigh-in was Tuesday.

I talked to my little Marine last night for almost an hour. That is one of the things I enjoy so much in life...our mother son talks. I absolutely love it when he wants my advice and when he asks fo my help. He validates me when he doesthose things and he doesn't even know it. Right now he is in California for training before leaving for Iraq in August. Our long talk last night will be held forever in my heart to cherish. We had a conversation about God and his personal relationship with Him.

My son may have his minor faults but he is so beyond his 19 years in maturity. I told him numerous times through the hour of conversation "I am so proud of you". He told me how good it is to hear that. I am so very proud of him that there are no words to use for it. Sometimes I think we forget to tell the ones we love... how we feel. I never want to get to that place where the ones aroud me have no idea how I feel about them. We never know which conversation will be the last one we have with someone. My children (although I have had it rough) have made my life worth living. If I die tomorrow, I am satisfied that I have done everything I can to show love to those around me.

I am so glad he called me, I needed to hear his voice. I can't wait to see him in July and get a big hug. Nobody hugs like my Jonathon.

I have had a good week. It seems like lately I am just basking in the love of God. This has been going on for probably a month or more. I have recently had a lot of realizations about my Christian walk and my personal relationship with God. It seems that now more than ever he is revealing things to me, maybe because I wasn't open enough for it before. Now I know that it is not me that leads this relationship...it is God. I have let him have it and now wonderful things are happening for me. I have often wondered why God would take time out of his busy schedule for me when there are so many others that need him- feeling like I wasn't really on top of the waiting list. Then I realized "God doesn't have a waiting list" because He is the almighty, the one and only, creator, and Father of all those that love Him. I have realize that personal means just that....PERSONAL. Nobody else matters when it comes to me and God. His ways are not our ways and that is very hard for me to understand so I just have to accept it and trust that He gives me His undivided attention at all times. I don't have to hold on while he answers another call, He is all mine- all the time. The same goes for everyone that has a personal relationship with Him. I love where I am right now.

We are now getting Kala on Saturday and Sunday. This will go on through June and then hopefully we will get her fulltime in the first part of July. After she lives here for 6 months we will file the adoption petition with the court. We are so thrilled to have her in our lives.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!!!

To be or not to be, this is the question....

I am having a hard time keeping up my workouts. Emma said she wanted to jog with me....but...when we done it for a few days she was over it. Now I have to pull her along, constantly having to stop to wait for her, and listen to her whine. I can't make a 7 year old exercise if she won't. I don't know what I am going to do at this point. We are not in the habit of leaving her with a sitter. We live out in the country and we really don't know anyone who lives close to us. The only person that I will leave her with lives 25 miles away, and that doesn't make sense to drive that far away to leave her so I can go run. That turns my efforts into like 2 or 3 hours, where it would only be 1 hour if I could just get her to cooperate with me. I can't let a 7 yr. old defeat me in this effort so I really need to figure out what will work.

Not to even mention that I am ADD and now that she is out of school for the summer my schedule has been turned upside down. Thanks to ADD I have a very big problem with change in my schedule. So that has got me down big time. Now I have to figure out a strategy to deal with both problems.

I didn't run any this week and I feel crappy!!! I am so mad at myself right now. I am wanting to eat everything in the house and I feel like a big fat cow!!! I am not going down like this, I have to resolve this problem....and I'll do it or die trying!!!